Archive for January, 2010

Apple

I’ve just got myself a MacBook Pro…awesome piece of technology! Having defected from the Windows camp after about 13 years, I can safely say that I made the right choice. Yes, I will keep the Dell “Windoze” lying around in case of an emergency (although I can’t think of one right now) but my computing heart now belongs to that crunchy Apple! In fact, earlier on I tried to simply email myself a copy of my calendar in Microsoft Outlook so I could import it into iCal and it crashed three times – it was as if XP knew what I wanted the calendar for!

For those of you who are debating a Mac (and are sick of “Windoze” and its unstable mind, at least try one out…borrow from a friend – he/she would be delighted to let you use his/her most precious commodity!
I pressed three buttons and screen-clipped this image straight to my desktop! Click the picture to read the rest of the “What can a Mac do” thread, the funniest post being “Mac’s don’t run the 50,000 viruses that PC do”

Insurance Form Statements

Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don’t have.

The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention.

I thought my window was down, but I found it was up when I put my head through it.

I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.

A truck backed through my windshield into my wife’s face.

The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.

I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment.

In an attempt to kill a fly I drove into a telephone pole.

I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge sprang up, obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car.

I had been driving for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.

I was on the way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident.

As I approached an intersection a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident.

To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front I struck a pedestrian.

My car was legally parked as it backed into another vehicle.

An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished.

I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him.

I saw a slow moving, sad faced old gentleman as he bounced off the roof of my car.

The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.

I was thrown from my car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows.

The telephone pole was approaching. I was attempting to swerve out of the way when I struck the front end.

The pedestrian had no idea which way to run as I ran over him.

If you have a problem…if no one else can help…and if you can find them…

…maybe you can hire The A-Team

Attention Dog Guardians

Bill Gates and GM

The following joke-list never really happened – in actuality it was more than likely a question posed by a journalist but it’s funny to see how one quick-witted response can evolve into a fabricated “true” story. The basic idea of this gag began in 1997:

There’s word in business circles that the computer industry likes to measure itself against the Big Three auto-makers. The comparison goes this way: If automotive technology had kept pace with Silicon Valley, motorists could buy a V-32 engine that goes 10,000 m.p.h. or a 30-pound car that gets 1,000 miles to the gallon — either one at a sticker price of less than $ 50. Detroit’s response: “OK. But who would want a car that crashes twice a day?”

As usually happens with urban legends and jokes, this was transformed into a version that attributed it to the biggest and most well-known corporate representatives of those businesses: “the computer industry” became Bill Gates of Microsoft, and “Detroit” was replaced with “General Motors”:

At a recent COMDEX, Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated: “If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 miles to the gallon.” In response to Bill’s comments, General Motors issued a press release stating: If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1. For no reason whatsoever your car would crash twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road you would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would just accept this, restart and drive on.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn, would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Only one person at a time could use the car, unless you bought “CarVISTA” or “Car7.” But then you would have to buy more seats.

6. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, reliable, five times as fast, and twice as easy to drive, but would only run on five per cent of the roads.

7. The oil, water temperature and alternator warning lights would be replaced by a single “general car default” warning light.

8. New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.

9. The airbag system would say “Are you sure?” before going off.

10. Occasionally for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key, and grab hold of the radio antenna.

11. GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally road maps (now a GM subsidiary), even though they neither need them nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause the car’s performance to diminish by 50% or more. Moreover, GM would become a target for investigation by the Justice Department.

12. Every time GM introduced a new model car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

13. You’d press the “start” button to shut off the engine.

Pity the Fool…

A couple of months ago a friend of mine was selling his iPhone on Ebay. He had a bidder and within minutes his item was sold. All was going to plan until he rang me to find out about PayPal’s new policy on funds being held until the shipping confirmation had been received. *DING DING* went the alarm bells! I’ve bought and sold on Ebay for a few years now and have always used PayPal’s online banking service so I know a thing or two and this one struck me as odd. I asked him to forward me the emails he received and we soon got to the bottom of the sham.

In September of 2008 I sold my Sony PlayStation 2 to a nice chap from Limerick via Ebay. Everything went according to plan, he received his Console and I received payment. Prior to this I had listed the lot on Facebook’s Marketplace and it garnered interest from a chap living somewhere in the US. He wanted to buy the Console for his son as a birthday present (sob-story to draw some sympathy) – his son was living in a different country. It wasn’t until he asked me to ship it to Nigeria did I begin to question this buyer. The bells started to ring when he asked for my bank account details even though he was paying with a Credit Card. I conducted some Google research and found out that I was in the process of being scammed. The eventuality would have been that I would have shipped the PS2 to the Nigerian address and somehow end up owing HIM money – obviously I ceased all communication and ran into the welcoming arms of Ebay.

So when I looked at the forwarded email and seen a Nigerian address I suspected foul play – and foul play much more advanced than my Marketplace friend.

As you can see above, the trickster used “service@paypal…” as his real NAME – where you or I use our regular name, he used an email address. You can see his REAL address inside the brackets! But even so, PayPal are www.paypal.com – any country defined sites have a forward slash and then the country, e.g www.paypal.co.uk/uk – ALL correspondence comes from paypal.com.

Next came some info that looked fairly legit:

The Ebay and PayPal links at the top are probably the real deal and the info to the right was copied from a different email and is also legit but the information is all wrong. Never will PayPal ever hold funds…ever! What this schemer is trying to do is to convince you that PayPal wants the shipping number before they transfer any money – the reason is that there is a bit of money at stake and precautions must be taken … all lies! But the con-man is ready to relieve your suspicions by offering a tracking email (which PayPal don’t actually offer…they’re just a money centre, not a shipping company), unfortunately this email is also fake as its domain is “emailaccount.com” and not paypal.com! Mr. Hustler also gives you a get-out option by stating that if you do not accept or deny, the funds will be returned to Mr. Joy Morgan…thank goodness for that!

Above you can see the address that confirmed to me that it was a scammer. Now I apologise to any Nigerians that may take offence, but for some reason Nigeria has been claimed by swindlers the world over as their capital – I am not condemning Nigerian people in any way. It was similar to the address that was given to me by my Marketplace cowboy and I immediately told me friend to stop what he was doing and send everything to PayPal and Ebay, which he did. Below the address, you are once again informed about the shipping number (the main scam) and you are even told that if you do not have a PayPal account the money will be sent to your home address! Any fears you had are now alleviated!

In the second email, he was told what to do next (whatever happened to simply selling something?!):

Now ignore the many, many grammatical errors in this piece! He gives the same tracking email rubbish and then turns the tables by telling you that you have to respond within the next 48 hours! What happened to the 30 days?!? He then spells PayPal in all lower-case (big no-no) and even puts a registered mark after the company’s name, which they never do! This email ended with some lovely cut-and-paste action:

As you can see, there are no registered trademarks and no lower-case company names. Throughout his email he also tried to reproduce PayPal’s deep blue font colour but of course he failed. After this a THIRD email arrived!


This is the Proof of Shipping scam: You can only give them a shipping number if you ship an item via mail. They will know that you have sent the item when they track the shipping number. They will then have an iPhone (or whatever you’re selling) and you will not receive ANY money! Please be very careful when dealing with people on the internet – whether it be through an email where you are guaranteed $30 million if you send your passport or even on something as secure as Ebay or PayPal…don’t be fooled or else you may have this man pitying you…

T-Shirt of the Fortnight

We started watching 24 from Season 1 again and I’m trying to convince someone in the house to watch Lost from Season 1…so this T-Shirt is quite apt