Things Adults Learn From Kids

One for the Parents…

There is no such thing as child-proofing your house

If you spray hair spray on the carpet and run over it with roller blades, the carpet can ignite

A 4 year-old’s voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant

If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing pound puppy underwear and a superman cape

It is strong enough however to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 by 20 foot room

Baseballs make marks on ceilings.
You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on.
The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn’t stop a baseball hit
by a ceiling fan.

When you hear the toilet flush and the words “Uh-oh;” it’s already
too late.

A six-year-old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year-old man says they can only do it in the movies

A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day.

Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a four-year old
Duplos will not.

Play Dough and Microwave should never be used in the same sentence.

Super glue is forever.

MacGyver can teach us many things we don’t want to know.

No matter how much Jelly you put in a swimming pool you still can’t walk on water.

VCR/DVD Players do not eject sandwiches.

Bin bags do not make good parachutes.

Marbles in petrol tanks make lots of noise when driving.

You probably do not want to know what that odour is.

Always look in the oven before you turn it on.

Plastic toys do not like ovens.

Your Fire-Brigade has at least a 5 minute response time.

The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earth worms dizzy.
It will however make cats dizzy.

Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

Quiet does not necessarily mean don’t worry.

A good sense of humour will get you through most problems in life (unfortunately, mostly in retrospect)

2:00 AM is not a good time to hear, “Daddy, nappies don’t flush!”

No time is a good time to hear, “Daddy, your tires are ‘hisssssing.'”

You never want to hear, “Watch me fly!” coming from the roof.

Nor do you want to hear, “Your new iPhone doesn’t work underwater.”

Never light fireworks inside.

Under the bed is not a good place to save snowballs for summer.

Daddy’s shoe is not a good home for a pet tarantula.

Hiding uneaten vegetables in daddy’s shoes is not good.

Insects are not a dietary supplement.

Walnuts make the blender act funny.

Scissors and hair are often a dangerous combination.

Collecting things is good.
Collecting things that come out of your nose is not.

Eating string is a bad hobby.
Discovering string the next day is a disgusting hobby.

Finger painting is good.
Finger painting walls is dangerous.

If you hear the words, “Can ya eat a lizard’s tail?”
It’s too late!

If you hear the words, “Guess what’s in my hands.”
You don’t want to know.

If you hear the words, “Guess what’s in my mouth.”
You REALLY don’t want to know!

‘Fan’ and ‘flour’ should never be heard in the same sentence.

The toilet does not make a permanent fish aquarium.

Most toilets can not consume an entire roll of toilet paper without choking.

Any sentence which has the word ‘Oops’ is bad.

Any sentence beginning with, “How much do you love me?”
means ‘prepare for bad news’

Fish can not use a remote control, even if placed in their tank.

“Why do fish float?” means trouble.

Any sentence beginning with, “When [your pet’s name] dies…”
is never a good sign.

Setting the hamsters free changes the cat’s mood.
Cats do not like to be wrapped in duct tape.
Cats get even.


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