Social Internet Etiquette

  • Do not talk about Myspace. Ever.
  • Unless the conversation goes: “Hey, do you remember Myspace?”      “No.”
  • Or you’re checking out how many hits your awesome band has.

  • If it’s one of your Facebook friends’, friends’, friends’, friends’, friends’, friends’ birthday, and you don’t write happy birthday on their wall, then you should reconsider the friendship.
  • “Maybe Attending” is nicer than saying “Not Attending”.
  • It is your responsibility as their Facebook friend to tag them in any photo they appear in, no matter how far in the distance they are or how big a part of their body is shown – unless they look decent. Then the aforementioned responsibility forfeits.
  • You need to join every group that makes you say “oh yeaaahhh” when you read the group title.
  • You must become a lowly farmer on Farmville and rise through the ranks to Master Farmer.

  • If you can say it in less than 140 characters it’s probably not that interesting – just tweet it.
  • You should be followed by at least one Eastern-European female who links to malicious websites. If this isn’t the case you are doing something wrong.
  • You should always aim to have more followers than you are following, as it is this ratio that determines your coolness.
  • You should follow famous people and believe in your heart that the famous person is personally replying to you and not some random douche or aide.

  • Unfortunately the social norms of AOL were lost when the great library in Alexandria was set on fire in 48 B.C. Which, coincidentally, is also around the time you should have stopped using AOL.

  • If you are going to upload videos, vlogging is mandatory.
  • Every video deserves 5 stars – even if you didn’t like it. A lot of work went into these videos, and the maker may return the rating when he/she sees your video uploads.
  • If you upload a video, it is important to post a response to the video a week later.

  • You must be no older than 15
  • Every known application must be added to your page or else no one will bother to look
  • You must receive love on a daily basis from each friend or people will know that you are not popular
  • There are over 10,000 “what kind of a” quizzes available and each must be filled out to determine what kind of a dancer/shoe/cable you are.

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