Archive for the ‘Philosophizing’ Category

Sparks Notes…

Nicholas Sparks…

In an interview with USA Today, Nicholas Sparks criticised Shakespeare, Jane Austen, and romance novelists in general for writing the same story again and again:

“(Romances) are all essentially the same story: You’ve got a woman, she’s down on her luck, she meets the handsome stranger who falls desperately in love with her, but he’s got these quirks, she must change him, and they have their conflicts, and then they end up happily ever after.”

He claims that he is not a romance novelist but a fictional author who writes love stories.

“You read a romance because you know what to expect. You read a love story because you don’t know what to expect.”

Really Nicholas Sparks? I’ve seen the Notebook…and I’ve seen A Walk To Remember – there just seems to be something that they have in common other than the author of the books from which the story was adapted…

Wise up Sparks…the films are good as stand-alone titles but if you were to make them into a collection could you compare yourself with Shakespeare and come off looking anywhere near as good?

Having A Bad Day?

Six Bad Days to consider when you’re having a bad day…

1. The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez oil spill in Alaska was $80,000. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers. A minute later, in full view, they were both eaten by a killer whale.

2. A psychology student in New York rented out her spare room to a carpenter in order to nag him constantly and study his reactions. After weeks of needling, he snapped and beat her repeatedly with an axe leaving her mentally retarded.

3. In 1992, Frank Perkins of Los Angeles made an attempt on the world flagpole-sitting record. Suffering from the flu he came down eight hours short of the 400-day record, his sponsor had gone bust, his girlfriend had left him and his phone and electricity had been cut off.

4. A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen, shaking frantically with what looked like a wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current, she whacked him with a handy plank of wood by the back door, breaking his arm in two places. Until that moment, he had been happily listening to his Walkman.

5. Two animal rights protesters were protesting the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn, Germany. Suddenly the pigs, all two thousand of them, escaped through a broken fence and stampeded, trampling the two hapless protesters to death.

And finally…

6. Iraqi terrorist, Khay Rahnajet, didn’t pay enough postage on a letter bomb. It came back with “return to sender” stamped on it. Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits.

There now! Your day’s not so bad, is it?

Bishop NT Wright on Blogging

Found this on Paul Cawley’s Posterous – Bishop NT Wright talks about Social Networking and Blogging. It’s quite good…

Vodpod videos no longer available.

Why?

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead?

Why do we raise our voices on the phone when the battery is low?

Why do banks charge a fee on “insufficient funds” when they know there is not enough money?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why doesn’t glue stick to the bottle?

Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an “S” in the word “Lisp”?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first
try?

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologises for doing so, why do we say, “It’s all right?” Well, it isn’t all right, so why don’t we say, “That hurt, you stupid idiot”.

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that’s
falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in
summer when we complained about the heat?

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

And my FAVORITE……

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is
suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three
best friends — if they’re okay, then it’s you.

Philosophy

Can you cry underwater?

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of murdered?

Once you’re in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

Round Pizza…Square Box?

What disease did cured ham have?

Why do we say we ‘slept like a baby’? Babies only sleep for about 2 hours at a time

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

Why are you IN a film, but ON Telly?

Why do you go all the way up a tall bulding to look down at the people below through binoculars?

Why do doctors leave the room when you change, they’re going to see you naked anyway?!

Why is bra singular and panties plural?

Why do toasters have a setting that burns bread to a horrible crisp, one that no one will ever eat?!

Why does Goofy stand up whilst Pluto is on all fours, they’re both dogs?!

If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn’t he just buy dinner?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Why did you just try singing both songs?

Why does a dog get mad when you blow in his face, but he sticks his head out the window in car?!

Back To Top